Well, that was a miserable failure. Not only did I not get anything off the ground, I discovered a wonderful little lump on a rib. Seen enough to understand what that means. I finally get to be free.
Over 3 months without work. Without money. Soon to be kicked out of where I live. No prospects, and the only ray of sunshine has been a lump on a bone.
Sound morbid? Understand that when I was a kid I thought I was retarded. It was the only answer I could come up with that made sense of the world. A world in which everyone did whatever made their situation worse. A world of politics of hate. A world in which we all allow ourselves to be oppressed because we don’t have the balls to make our own decisions. A world in which we must always destroy our every opportunity to be happy.
Later on, I discovered differently when they put me in one of those advanced placement classes. All they did was lump a small group of us in a classroom that had a higher grade in it. Blah, blah, blah with a different crowd. That was the 6th grade. The same grade I learned to tune out the moronic ramblings of the teachers. Probably the only action that saved my brain from the machine. But no one escapes the grind. Not really.
Later, it was stagflation, women wanting to get married, and increasing pressure to drive drug shipments, that caused me to join the Navy. Wanted to join the Army, but the recruiter was always too drunk to make it to work. Oh well, sailed the seven seas and got out to join the airborne.
Airborne! Fuck ’em. Married shortly thereafter to a real crazy bitch. Divorced and not allowed to see/talk to the kids unless I remarried her. Fat chance, just drive on and become a zombie. Oh yeah, college after that. Learned all the answers I needed. $50,000, 5 years, and a lot of rage later, I figured out there wasn’t much hope for humanity.
Became a stockbroker afterwards. Money grubbing whore I was, I was. Dead inside until I went skydiving one day. Now, that is gone as well. Just as well, though this is the only time I feel bad about moving on from something.
I’m just tired. 48 years old and so fucking tired of it all. Will be moving on from here soon. Am sure I will be kicked out in a couple of weeks. I figure if I survive the first six weeks with nothing, then I will be tough enough to be considered a threat by the establishment. War is the only thing I’ve ever truly been good at in my life. It’s a shame the only ones I want to wage this war on is my own government.
Just wrote this little note as I had some emails inquiring as to what has happened to me. Strange, but finding that lump has been one of the best things I could have had happen. I will be free soon.
There is a rage still boiling within me now. A rage I know only the grave can still. I have only recently become truly convinced that I am not retarded. Thanks to the collapse of the economy by the banker whores. They are the enemy, but so are all of us that live by there rules.
We live in a world where we worship the dollar. We only care of ourselves, so we will get what we deserve. Not even a footnote in history. A nation filled with opportunities wasted. Fuck you all. Fuck us all. We have all failed. But, at least I will go out with a fight. That’s all I can do. What about you?
Rev. Jim Lunsford
First Cannabist Church
It’s always the christians who fear the most in the world. But, what can you expect from those who follow the devil’s path? Even though the N.T. is clear, they follow the old ways of hate and call themselves loving. To the pit with them. And hopefully, the darkness shall swallow me as well.